Matt James was seemingly blindsided by the racism accusations his now-girlfriend, Rachael Kirkconnell, faced as his season of “The Bachelor” aired in 2021.
“It found me in my New York apartment,” the reality star, 30, revealed in an excerpt of his new book, “First Impressions,” published by Cosmopolitan Wednesday. “The TV flashed an entertainment news alert with Rachael’s face on it.”
The alert was centered around resurfaced photos of Kirkconnell dressed for an antebellum plantation-themed party in college that celebrated the “old South.”
“An anchorman caught me up on the weeks-long buildup that I’d shut out,” James wrote. “Social media stuck disparate puzzle pieces together. The photo was the missing piece that brought the whole concocted image into focus. They declared Rachael a racist.”
The North Carolina native said he was not quick to jump to conclusions about his final pick on “The Bachelor” and instead comforted her over the backlash.
“Her voice on the other end was strained and unsteady,” James wrote. “Messages — horrible messages — had poured into her inbox. My only role in that moment was to console her. I assured her that I knew who she was, that this too would pass.”
The former football player said as the controversy began to bubble up — due in part to then-host Chris Harrison’s interview defending Kirkconnell and subsequent firing — he “had a moment to consider what the revelation meant” to him.
“Looking again at the picture, it conjured memories from an earlier life,” James wrote, noting memories from his childhood and college days in which he worked to “compensate” early in life because of the color of his skin.
“Looking at the picture of Rachael, I wondered where I would have fit at that party,” he added. “Then I answered my own question: I wouldn’t have.”
During a Valentine’s Day trip to Georgia, while his season of “The Bachelor” was still airing, James spoke with Kirkconnell, now 25, about the photos for the first time in person.
“She didn’t offer her ignorance as an excuse,” the “Dancing With the Stars” alum explained. “Just a fact — she paired it with the facts of her remorse and regret. Tears streamed down both our faces. She apologized for the pain I felt. I forgave her.”
However, once James left for Florida, he said he wanted to “slow the train down,” and the couple took a step back from their relationship.
“We both needed to reflect on the relationship we’d developed, to ask ourselves how deep its roots really reached,” he wrote. “And she needed time to understand the black experience, to ‘do the work.'”
The pair did not speak for a couple weeks after their Valentine’s Day trip until mid-March when the “After the Final Rose” season finale episode was set to be filmed.
“Rachael broke our silence a week before the reunion, and we texted every day thereafter,” James said. “We still had feelings for each other, although we didn’t know what to do with them. We decided to keep talking, to be open to our love building back.”
While they figured things out, James said he made a “mistake” by reconnecting with old flings to explore any “lingering feelings,” which led Kirkconnell to give him an ultimatum.
“I decided to be better going forward,” the realtor wrote. “She had done self-work that I hadn’t reciprocated. I promised her that I was all in. It was the best decision I could have made.”
James concluded in the excerpt that he would do the experience “all over again,” noting, “I changed. I grew. I learned about myself, my past trauma, and my capacity for love. I learned my breaking point exists somewhere past the horizon. I learned to kiss with my eyes closed.”
