Week 16 fantasy football rankings, projections, sleepers: Cordarrelle Patterson, Rashod Bateman | Best Christmas movies and more

With the chaos of last week and the quickly mounting headaches ahead of the Week 16 fantasy football season, we should have some fun… especially since it’s Christmas week — and happy holidays too. I’ve done Christmas songs, specials and even cookies. However, I was surprised I’ve never done my favorite Christmas movies… could have sworn I did, but maybe my fantasy football fried brain is just broken. So, to recap…

Best Christmas TV Episodes
(from 2020 fantasy season)

Honorable Mention

How I Met Your Mother: How Lily Stole Christmas — Ted is telling Marshall to get over Lily, saying, “You gotta get over that Grinch.” But the truth, from Future Ted, is that he said something else, and it happens again but the gift Marshall gets Lily makes everything right.
Chuck: Chuck Versus Santa Claus — Fugitive crashes into the Buy More, Sarah sneaks in to rescue Chuck, who ends up shooting Mauser (Fulcrum) to protect Chuck, which makes him think Sarah is a murderer… not exactly what you would think for a Christmas episode, but if you watched Chuck and know the episode, you know why it’s here.

Top 10 Christmas Specials

10. A Charlie Brown Christmas — Kinda falls in the middle of a TV special and movie. Iconic cartoon, songs, characters, etc.
9. South Park: Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo — In a theme that still holds up today, South Park wants to eliminate Christmas to be politically indifferent. Mr. Hankey, theme song and all, saves Christmas and becomes a recurring “character”.
8. Brooklyn 99: Yippie Kayak — Jake forgot Boyle’s gift, Jake gets Gina to help find a gift but Boyle comes along when they end up in the middle of a robbery with a hostage situation, and Jake is giddy to recreate Die Hard.
7. The Office: Christmas Party — Another show that includes an underlying romance story piece, and then the fighting over Michael trying to buy Ryan’s love (with an iPod), all thanks to Michael turning it into a Yankee Swap from Secret Santa because he hates his gift.
6. Supernatural: A Very Supernatural Christmas — I’m going to miss this show. Basically, Sam and Dean are hunting down anti-Claus, not too different from Futurama’s Santa, who is taking humans as sacrifices – few shows balance humor, thrills and the feels like Supernatural did.
5. Seinfeld: The Strike (Festivus) — Festivus for the rest of us! Airing of grievances! Can’t end Festivus until George’s dad is pinned! Two-face! Kramer working in the bagel shop! There is just so much greatness.
4. Community: Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas — Stop-motion/claymation style special with everything Community and old Christmas special rolled into one.
3. Futurama: Xmas Story — John Goodman guest voices as an evil robot Santa who murders people on Christmas. Plus, Zoidberg is the hero… WUT?! And it is another seed in the series-long romance story of Fry and Leela.
2. Friends: Holiday Armadillo — Ross wants to teach his son about Hanukkah, dresses as an armadillo, Chandler shows up as Santa and Joey surprises as Superman… for the Easter Bunny’s funeral.
1. DuckTales: How Santa Stole Christmas (also, Last Christmas) — You had to know I’d put this at the top… and no, it’s probably not my true No. 1, but this is for the travesty of canceling the show, and I’ll be watching this with my niece and nephew anyway. But, turns out, Scrooge and Santa are old friends, then enemies, Scrooge helped start Christmas, and… watch it!

Best Christmas Cookies (from 2019 fantasy season)

10. Hershey Kisses Cookies — I may or may not pluck a few kisses off the cookies and toss the cookie part in the trash.
9. Jelly Thumbprints — you can pretend you’re being a bit healthy with some fruit.
8. Snickerdoodle — similar to the chocolate chip cookie, a classically great cookie that some people only have during the holidays, which is strange.
7. Butter Cookies — simple and delectable.
6. Red Velvet — while I hate “red velvet” because it’s not a flavor, the actual flavor (buttermilk cocoa mix) is really good, especially with cream cheese frosting… plus, it’s red for the holiday.
5. Rugelach — my mom has made these for as long as I can remember, and they’re vastly underrated (and yes, I had to look up the spelling).
4. Red and Green M&M Chocolate Chip — the wonderful classic made festive with the M&M colors.
3. Sugar Cookie Cut-Outs — not the most delicious, but the must-have cookie of Christmas given the holiday shapes, red and green sugar, etc.
2. Cream Cheese Cookies — trying to describe these doesn’t do them service… drool-worthy (#CheckTheLink for recipe).
1. Eggnog Cookies/Meltaways — oh.my.Santa! If you haven’t had these, make it a point to change that this Christmas!

Top 10 Christmas Songs (from 2018 fantasy season)

Honorable Mention

Christmas in Hollis: Run DMC – It’s one of those songs you never turn off if it comes on, always start bobbing to and even try to sing along, but it’s doesn’t really have the loop factor and if we’re honest, very few people know all of the words
Gene Autry Classics: Here Comes Santa Claus, Frosty the Snowman
White Christmas: Bing Crosby – A true classic, and I know plenty will be enraged that it’s not in my Top 10, but as you will see, I’m more of the fun/up-tempo type
Mele Kalikimaka: Bing Crosby
It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas: Michael Buble
I’ll Be Home for Christmas: Various

Songs You Won’t Admit You Like

Last Christmas: Wham!
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays: *NSYNC
My Only Wish This Year: Britney Spears
Underneath the Tree: Kelly Clarkson

Top 10 Christmas Songs

10. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home): Mariah Carey — The original is good (Darlene Love) but Mariah Carey makes everything better. Honestly, tell me one song that couldn’t be improved by Carey singing it.
9. Winter Wonderland/Sleigh Ride: Dolly Parton — Winter Wonderland is quality on its own, as is Sleigh Ride. How do you make them better? Make them two songs in one and a rare Christmas song lasting nearly four minutes. Kudos, Dolly.
8. Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree: Brenda Lee — Back to the pep, one of the all-time best Christmas movies had a great scene with this song… Home Alone.
7. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas: Frank Sinatra — Not every song has to be peppy and about pure fun. First off, Frank Sinatra might have the best male voice of all time (I own his “Best Of” collection), and second, this song warms the heart (was seventh, but I’m feeling peppier this year).
6. Santa Claus is Coming to Town: Jackson 5 — Plenty of versions to choose from, but this one is undeniably the best with the talent of the Jacksons and it being a Christmas song sung by kids.
5. A Holly Jolly Christmas: Burl Ives — Worlds better than the Christmas special this comes from and its song, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. This should rank higher on everyone’s list. It’s fun. It’s the personification of Christmas joy in a song. And honestly, Rudolph is short and repetitive (the song).
4. Jingle Bell Rock: Bobby Helms — Arguably one of the most iconic Christmas song intros. You know immediately what’s about to be played, and a smile comes with it.
3. All I Want for Christmas is You: Mariah Carey — You can act like you don’t love it. You can pretend Carey isn’t amazing. You can say it isn’t the best original Christmas song in decades before it and since. But it would all be pure lies!
2. It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Andy Williams — Another song that is all fun and enjoyment, and I could listen to it 10 times in an hour and not be sick of it (moved up a few spots because I just haven’t got sick of it this year).
1. The Christmas Song: Nat King Cole — The King of Christmas and the king of Christmas songs.

And BRAND NEW for 2021… apparently because my Christmas brain sucks… my favorite Christmas movies, guaranteed to enrage everyone just in time for the holidays!

Miscellaneous (and why people will be furious)

A Christmas Story — Could never put my finger on it, but this movie just has so many aspects that make me cringe.
Nightmare Before Christmas — Truly more of a Halloween movie.
Gremlins — Here we go. These next two will draw the ire of everyone who disagrees but, hey, you should know I don’t care when it comes to ranks. Gremlins is a comedy horror… not a Christmas movie. Is Batman Returns a Christmas movie because it happens around Christmas? Nope.
Die Hard — And neither is Die Hard. P2 is a horror movie about a girl trapped in a parking garage on Christmas Eve. Is it a Christmas movie? Nope. Is Die Hard terrific? Yep! And, hey, if I could guarantee easy extra money every year from purchases, extra broadcast/streaming rights, etc., etc., I’d call any movie a Christmas movie too, as the screenwriter did. His yearly Christmas present is laughing as he makes more money because action lovers want to argue it’s a Christmas movie.

Top 10 Christmas Movies

Honorable Mention/Class of its Own: MST3K: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians — Semi-cheating since it’s a TV episode about a movie, at length, but Mystery Science Theater 3000 was one of the best… at making the worst enjoyable.

10. Jingle All the Way — If you embrace the campiness, it’s actually a pretty fun movie with Sinbad’s best performance ever.
9. A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas — It’s kind of funny to me that I never thought the “regular” movies were overly hilarious, but this is surprisingly fun and funny… and shows how short the list can be if you aren’t a fan of the black and white/”classics” and such… which, is just going to bring more hate.
8. Surviving Christmas — Easily the most underrated Christmas movie ever. Ben Affleck is likable, James Gandolfini is the dad, plenty of laughs in a story about a guy trying to “buy a family” for Christmas.
7. Bad Santa — Con-man (Billy Bob Thorton) pretends to be Santa at a mall to rob the stores during Christmas… and yeah… pretty amusing.
6. Scrooged — Essentially a modern-day Christmas Carol.
5. Home Alone — Do I need to explain? Sure, it never happens once there are cell phones but, still, you can’t mention Christmas movies and not bring up Home Alone.
4. The Santa Clause — The peak of Tim Allen, where Santa dies, so he has to become Santa even though he doesn’t want to… and… yeah, kind of a dark plot when you think about it, huh?
3. Elf — Even if you think Will Farrell is overrated, this is a great Christmas movie and is the source of numerous GIFs.
2. A Muppet Christmas Carol — Maybe it’s because my parents had me watch a lot of muppets growing up even though they were a bit before my time… I don’t know, but I get a kick out of this version of a Christmas Carol, yearly.
1. Christmas Vacation — The undisputed No. 1, and I don’t think it’s close. It’s like the Jerry Rice of Christmas movies, on a tier of its own. Hilarious. So many memorable scenes, quotes and just… everything!

#CheckTheLink-age
Waivers | True SOS (APA — Wednesday update)
Strategy and Advice (Get In My Brain!)
Athletic Pod | All in Football (video pod)

🚨 REMINDER 🚨
Updated all the way up to kickoff, Sunday
Sleepers are upside, often riskier, picks. Don’t bench players ranked higher… unless you’re shooting for upside

2021 Week 16 Fantasy Football Sleepers

READ THIS! Sleepers are tough to find and don’t carry as much weight by this point. So instead, I’m going to post a couple possible BENCH and START INSTEAD options. As with sleepers, these will not mimic my rankings 100%. This is chasing upside and often carries more risk, but based on APA matchups, you can “go for broke” if needed.

QUARTERBACK

POSSIBLY START: Dak Prescott, DAL — This is where we are. Prescott has 2.6, 23.3, 11.2, 9.9 and 10.6 fantasy points, respectively, in the past five games, which includes that 9.9 against the Footballs. However, WFT is still middling against the pass. It’s not the slam-dunk matchup of earlier this year and, again, Prescott has looked off, but the Cowboys also didn’t need to lean on the pass much after leading 24-0 heading into halftime of the first meeting.

RUNNING BACK

MAYBE BENCH: Duke Johnson, MIA — As mentioned in waivers, the Week 15 workload partly had to do with Myles Gaskin not feeling 100%. Add in a matchup with the extremely tough Saints defense, and the limited upside for opposing running backs needing passing game work, and Gaskin looks to be the better play… though, both are benchable.

POSSIBLY START: Cordarrelle Patterson, ATL — Similar to Prescott, the fun has been hard to find of late with Patterson. His last five fantasy tallies are 4.4, 26.5, 11.1, 12.9 and 3.3. respectively. The two high scores came with touchdowns, as the Falcons are treating Patterson more like an early-down back with no more than five targets since Week 9 and just 10 receptions in that span. He’s totaled just 65 yards on those targets, as his YAC and YPRR are down from 7.6 and 3.33 to 5.7 and 0.87. Patterson’s use, plus teams focusing on him scheme-wise, is killing his value, but… the Lions continue to be one of the most forgiving matchups. While they inexplicably dominated the Cardinals, James Conner and Chase Edmonds still had 14-for-92 rushing, or 6.6 YPC… and Patterson is averaging 14 carries in the past four games… even if it’s scary to go back to him.

WIDE RECEIVER

MAYBE BENCH: Chase Claypool, PIT — The toe is definitely an issue. While Claypool had a nice game with some late heroics in Week 14, he has 36, 42 and 29 snaps, respectively, the past three games with just 21, 26 and 17 routes (behind Ray-Ray McCloud), plus three, nine and two targets. Catch all of that? Pun not intended, but it works, as Claypool needs to catch most of his targets with big plays involved to provide value. Now, the Steelers head to Kansas City — a team playing better defense in the second half of the season and doing a great job at limiting outside receivers.

POSSIBLY START: Rashod Bateman, BAL — Tyler Huntley only has eyes for Mark Andrews and Marquise Brown but, hopefully, either Lamar Jackson returns or Huntley realizes he has another dynamic option in Bateman. The Bengals defense has been way more miss than hit since letting the Jets score 34, and Bateman ran the most routes in Week 15 with 22.0 Air/TGT (on his two targets… hey, it’s something).

HAIL MARY START: Laquon Treadwell, JAX — Treadwell led the Jaguars in targets and receptions, and he’s been the top option for the Jaguars since Week 13 with 20 targets, 14 receptions and 187 yards… all team highs. The Jaguars face the Jets this week. DeVante Parker had 8/4/68/1 last week in a similar role and style to Treadwell (yes, also a better receiver, but that’s why this is a deep dart throw).

TIGHT END

POSSIBLY START: Cole Kmet, CHI — As mentioned with Fields, the matchup is concerning for the passing game, but one area the Seahawks are particularly susceptible to is tight end. George Kittle destroyed them, which isn’t surprising, but Zach Ertz also had 8/88/2, Brevin Jordan had a touchdown and Dan Arnold had 8/68/0 — all of those coming since Week 8.

HAIL MARY START: Albert Okwuegbunam — Since returning in Week 13, Albert O (ow-koo-way-boo-naam) has a 14.0 TeamTGT%, just 1.1 behind Noah Fant, with a stat line of 11/120/1 to Fant’s 13/141/0. He’s also tied for the second-most receptions with the third most yards in those three games. Sure, that points to how inept the Broncos’ passing game is, but if you’re desperate for a tight end (possibly waiting on Travis Kelce’s status, etc.), Okwuegbunam could surprise, especially with the Raiders giving up four tight end touchdowns in their past four games, even while Kelce didn’t have one in the Chiefs matchup.

Week 16 Fantasy Football Projections

🚨 HEADS UP 🚨
These differ some from my rankings, and my ranks are the exact order I’d start players. Just like preseason projections and rankings, I’ll play some with more upside even though a bit behind in projected points.
Also, based on 4-point TDs for QB, 6-point rest, and Half-PPR