In an era of political polarization, even family members can seem out of reach. But when a holiday gathering brings people together, political debates and discussions can be inevitable.
For advice this holiday season, MLive spoke to philosophy professor Andrew Jason Cohen.
He directs Georgia State University’s Philosophy, Politics and Economics program and is a visiting fellow at George Mason University’s Pluralism and Civil Exchange program.
1. Know these big misconceptions
While an old saying warns people not to bring up politics in polite conversation, Cohen argues it’s “disrespectful” to refuse to engage with an adult family member.
“I assume if you’re sitting down to a holiday meal with somebody, you have some respect for them,” he told MLive in an interview.
People should also recognize that while political parties are polarized, Cohen says, there is also “affective polarization” – how folks see the other side and assuming how they think.
“You’re treating them as if they’re terrible people because of this perceived disagreement,” he said. “It’s not even real disagreement, just perceived disagreement.”
Cohen pointed to a recent study from civil discourse group More in Common that found significant common ground in the contentious debate over race and history teachings in schools.
The study found 83% of Republicans believe “it’s important that every American student learn about slavery, Jim Crow and segregation.” And 83% of Democrats believe that “students should not be made to feel guilty or personally responsible for the errors of prior generations.”
“Recognize that the disagreements are not as deep or significant as people think,” Cohen said.
2. ‘Be rational and reasonable’
A good way to start a political discussion, Cohen said, is to define the disagreement.
“Oftentimes I think, especially with family, we tend to think we’re disagreeing about one thing when we’re actually disagreeing about another thing,” he said.
But his most important tip is to be calm, temper your emotions, and “actually listen to what the other person is saying.”
Along with not assuming your relative’s every political belief, Cohen advises giving them the benefit of the doubt and not letting past tensions affect the conversation.
“That’s really hard,” he admits, but “being rational and reasonable means that you have to concentrate on whatever the topic is at hand and not go off into these other things.”
Related: Americans don’t trust each other. Democracy hangs in the balance.
Ultimately, Cohen said, you must be willing to engage, because there are always times when someone can surprise with their point of view.
Also, your conversation should be “respectful and kind,” he said. And if you feel offended or insulted, “it may be real, but that should be a reason for further thought. It shouldn’t be the end of the discussion.”
“It’s too often the case where we say, ‘Oh, you’ve insulted me, so I should walk away,’ Cohen explained. “… I think that’s the wrong way to go. We need to, again, be rational and look for good reasons for why we feel the way we do.”
3. What to avoid
Name calling is obvious, Cohen says, but people should also avoid assuming the other person comes by their beliefs selfishly.
For example, someone who opposes immigration may just be concerned about the nation losing its identity instead of being selfishly concerned about losing their job. And someone who supports immigration can just be promoting a diverse society, not disrespecting American-born workers.
In reality, neither side has a monopoly on patriotism nor care for their community.
“From both sides,” Cohen said, “you get this false assumption that the other side must be selfish and ‘we’re on the side of the right, we’re on the side of protecting the community – of protecting us.’”
People should also recognize that situations aren’t always either-or, he said, but that there can be “third views or fourth views or fifth views about a particular topic that you might just be leaving out.”
4. Remember what you can gain
To engage with someone is to be respectful, Cohen reminds, and the way to improve things is to have a curious discussion with a goal in mind and attempt to move it forward.
“Oftentimes there’s a middle ground that’s better than either of the sides,” Cohen said, “and you miss that if you don’t engage in the dialogue.”
He noted research about how having diverse groups of people improves outcomes. So, to improve politics, Cohen argues, people with different views and different perspectives must come together and talk.
“To get the better outcome, you have to have the discussion, and you have to be willing to have the discussion with people you disagree with,” he said.
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