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She's being insensitive.
By Megan Quinn — Written on Oct 28, 2022
A mother revealed that her stepdaughter struggles with her mental health and does not maintain proper hygiene because of it.
For years, she has tried to be supportive of the struggling teen but now she's at the end of her tether.
The mother wants to kick her stepdaughter out of the house if she doesn't get better soon.
Sharing her story on the subreddit thread, “r/AmItheA–-hole” (AITA), she asked for the opinion of other users regarding the situation.
Users had the choice to give her a “You’re the A–-hole” (YTA) rating if they believed that she was wrong or a “You’re Not the A--hole” (NTA) rating if they thought she was not.
The 37-year-old mother began her post by sharing that she has three biological children, a 20-year-old son, a 19-year-old daughter, and a 16-year-old daughter.
Her husband has one biological son who is 16 years old.
The mother of the woman’s husband’s son also has a daughter, whom she refers to as “Alice.”
“When we got together in 2009, the mother of his son was having problems with housing, job, etc., and asked if we could take Alice,” the woman wrote.
Alice was five years old at the time and has lived with the woman and her family for most of her life, except for a couple of instances where she was placed under her biological mother’s care for a few months.
Other than that, the woman shared that Alice’s biological mother was not involved in her life and died earlier this year.
The mother revealed that Alice has struggled with her mental health over the last couple of years.
“The pandemic and online schooling took a toll on Alice,” she wrote.
“After discharge, she was connected with mental health services that included a therapist, psychiatrist, and intensive in-home mental health services. During this time, we learned she had trauma related to living with her mom.”
After being discharged from the hospital, the woman shared that Alice’s mental state had improved.
“She has a medication combo that works well for her. She has completed therapy (discharged after meeting goals) and completed the intensive in-home services. She graduated high school with academic honors,” the woman reported.
However, the woman claims that Alice’s hygiene has posed a problem within the family.
“She will go days without bathing and does not care for her hair,” the woman shared. “She shares a room with her sisters, and this impacts them due to the smell.”
The woman added that there has been a “lack of accountability” from Alice and that she often attempts to blame others for her issues.
She revealed that over the last few months, Alice has been involved in a few incidents that have landed her in trouble.
“We bought her a car in July. She had an accident the first day she drove,” the woman wrote. “She started college this fall taking five classes. She never attended three of the classes and was dropped.”
Additionally, the woman shared that Alice started her first job and was late on the first day.
While on the way to work later in the week, she crashed her car again after failing to defrost her windshield.
After the second car accident, the woman and her husband gave Alice a list of rules she has to abide by.
The rules require her to shower daily, maintain her hair, arrive at work on time, attend her college classes, complete coursework, and be considerate of her sisters by showering and to refrain from calling friends late at night.
If Alice fails to follow these conditions, the woman revealed that she would have to move out by August 2023.
“We expect ‘stupid teenager’ stuff. We think these are the basic things she should be able to complete,” the woman wrote.
“It is essentially taking care of herself, being considerate of others, and moving towards independence through school and work experience.”
Many Redditors disagreed with the mother and gave her a “YTA” rating.
They criticized her for her lack of compassion toward her stepdaughter and her obvious mental health struggles.
“Setting boundaries is a good thing, but it seems to me that this is a very vulnerable young person, who has no options if you turn her out of your home,” one user pointed out.
“She needs help before she would be able to make it on her own. Pushed, I would be leaning toward YTA.”
“Not maintaining basic self-care is a huge sign that she is not doing well, like at all. I hope she’s continuing therapy and that it’s trauma-focused,” another user commented.
Others shared their own experiences similar to Alice's with mental health struggles and expressed their desire to be treated with more empathy instead of being kicked to the curb.
“I was a lot like Alice - I was diagnosed with depression early, I was hospitalized for a couple of short stints, my hygiene was terrible because of my depression, I dropped out of college after a semester, I crashed my first car the first week, I WAS Alice,” one user revealed.
"And my mother kicked me out…sure, I eventually got my s–t together and am a six-figure earning homeowner, but I could have achieved more, faster with the right support at the right time.”
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.