Christmas brings anticipated festivities, an abundance of food and enjoyable company.
With all the hustle and bustle of packed schedules, present planning and active crowds, parents are overwhelmed and distractible.
PDN Reporter Julianne Hernandez offers tips for your Christmas tree in hopes of keeping you and your family safe during the holiday season.
Abusers take advantage of the holiday chaos, and trends show an increase in sexual abuse during the holidays — what is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year can unfortunately become a traumatic one.
One of the joys of the holidays is feeling safe to relax and let loose with family and friends. However, the place where your children are most likely to get victimized is precisely with those we are most familiar with.
Over 90% of abuse is perpetrated by someone the child knows. Most abusers seem like normal, trustworthy individuals that do not fit our idea of an “abuser” at all.
Many (approximately 40%) perpetrators are children or teens — cousins and siblings of their victims.
It is common knowledge that the islands suffer from extensive sexual abuse. Speaking up is your best defense against this destructive problem.
Do not assume your children are safe with family and friends. This does not mean you need to be constantly on high alert (unless there is reason enough to be), but taking precautions is necessary for a safe holiday season.
To keep the holidays safe while also having fun, make sure to complete a few simple tasks.
Have a conversation
The best way to protect your kids from sexual abuse this season is to talk with them beforehand. Review with your children, even teens, what is appropriate touch and inappropriate touch or comments.
Stephanie Patterson
Give them the language to describe what is a violation by calling out the specific names of body parts. Your children will be more likely to tell you about questionable behaviors of others if they have experience talking about it ahead of time.
Inform your children that their body is their own, no one has a right to touch their body or take pictures of them without permission. Empower your children with the right to say “no” to unwanted hugs, kisses or any other touch, even if it is from family or an elder.
Encourage family members to respect your child’s space if they reject a snuggle from Auntie. Fist-bumps and high-fives are great alternatives to more intimate touch.
Children often take time to warm up and can be quite receptive to a hug later on their own terms.
Before you head out to a gathering, review with your children who will be there. Ask them if they have any concerns or if there is anyone who makes them uncomfortable.
Let them know they can come to you at any time during the gathering to report behaviors of others that are causing them to feel uncomfortable.
Perhaps create a code word or phrase they can say to get you away from the crowd for a private conversation.
Stand up for your child and speak up when you notice someone attempting to break down your child’s boundaries. Perpetrators slowly weaken the personal space of others over time. And they often do “grooming” behaviors right in front of others.
If someone, adult or child, does not respect a younger person’s space, call it out and take appropriate actions to stop and/or prevent the behavior.
One-on-one
Eighty percent of sexual abuse occurs in one-on-one situations with the child. The more you limit one-on-one time the better you can protect your kids.
If you need to leave your child with a sitter, let the sitter know there are no closed doors allowed in the home and you may pop in to check on them from time to time.
Many people have nanny or security cameras in their homes. Whether you have one or not, inform the sitter that you may also check in via the cameras just to make sure everyone is safe and having a fun time.
Define safe play areas. At gatherings, insist on an open door policy for children and break away from the adult table from time to time to just see what the kids are up to.
Scout out appropriate places for your children to wander off to while playing with others. Make hard-to-see (and hear) spots off-limits during the event.
Encourage your children to play in groups of at least three to avoid one-on-one interactions. Having an alibi can often ward off inappropriate behaviors from perpetrators.
‘No technology rule’
Making a “no technology rule” is also a good idea during holiday gatherings. Not only does this promote better social skills, it can also protect your children from accidental exposure to pornography.
If children play video games make sure it is in a well-trafficked area so their device usage can be monitored by passerbyers. Better yet, turn the devices off and run around outside!
After the gathering, check in with your child. Find out if your child had fun and if everyone behaved appropriately. Notice if your child is excited and open when talking or seems shut down and dismayed.
Check back in later if you notice an odd response from your child. Regardless if your child had a blast or was miserable, keep communication open about safety.
Being a stickler about a few safety rules does not take away from the enjoyment of family and friends during Christmas — rather it allows you to more confidently enjoy yourself and bring peace of mind that your children are also enjoying themselves.
If you or your child has suffered from sexual abuse consider reaching out to a trained professional to help support you in your healing and empower you to stop the abusive cycle.
That’s what this season is about after all — renewed hope, healing and forgiveness.
Have a safe Christmas.
