- My husband is six years younger; it doesn’t make much difference but often comes up in conversation.
- The thing that bothers me is the way people keep drawing attention to it or that it’s abnormal.
- While there are cultural and parenting differences, I wouldn’t change a thing about our marriage.Â
They say age is just a number, but when that number goes “against” the social norm, it becomes a regular topic of conversation. As a woman who is almost six years older than my husband, we discuss ages constantly and in more ways than I had ever considered possible when I married my spouse.
We met online nine years ago. My first response to his pickup line was that I was too old for him. He was 22 and I was 27, so I just didn’t see it working out. Of course, he convinced me to date him anyway, and we’re still together, two kids later.
Our age gap comes up often — even with our kids
While six years doesn’t sound like a huge difference, it still comes up in our lives constantly. Many of my childhood references are before his time; I was born in the 80s and he was born in the 90s. He has never played “Oregon Trail,” and I would rather die of dysentery than watch an episode of “Dragon Ball Z.”
Our children, ages 6 and 4, are fixated on our age difference, too. Often — sometimes multiple times a day — one of them will ask, “Mommy is older than Daddy, right?” looking for confirmation even though they’ve asked hundreds of times.
“Right,” my spouse always responds, giggling. He thinks it’s a dig at me, them innocently hinting that I’m “old.” Or, at the very least, he finds it humorous that our children are accidentally trolling with their genuine curiosity.
While the questions don’t bother me, the idea that it’s abnormal or uncommon bothers me, and drawing attention to the fact makes me a little uncomfortable. Besides, I don’t feel old, so I don’t like the implication that I am.
To deflect, when it comes up, I often joke back and remind him he’s the one who married an old lady. He responds with a big smile, smacks me on the butt, and tells me not to worry one second because I’ve “still got it.”
In our small town, it’s rare for women to date younger men
The age gap is also regularly brought up at parties as a conversation point. We live in a small Midwestern town, where it’s unusual that I’m older than my husband in the first place, let alone by multiple years. When it comes up, this hot topic almost always causes people to bring up terms and phrases like “cradle robber,” “cougar,” “young buck.” If they’re not feeling so creative, they might just go for a simple, “Wow. Really?”
Usually, I just nod, replying with “Yes, really,” while my husband chuckles. Part of the comments are actually due to disbelief, as I look younger than I actually am. It was a curse as a teen but has since turned out in my favor.
My husband will also sometimes throw in an occasional playful comment, too, about how I was too good to pass up, despite my age, or how he looks past it because I’m a real catch. Though it sounds like a backhanded compliment, he says it with the signature smirk he gives with every punchline.
While I usually take the teasing in stride — I am the one who married this jokester, after all — there are times when I make him promise he’s not bothered by my naturally graying hair or popping joints.
Besides, I have an aunt and uncle with a similar age difference, and they’ve been married for over 35 years, so my family never balked when we got together. As for my in-laws, if they had any objections, they were nice enough to keep it to themselves.
Our age gap has brought up a few things I wasn’t expecting
But there are other differences that come with the age gap, too; some that feel a little more real. I’m one of the oldest parents in our peer group. Those with kids the same age as ours are my spouse’s age or younger. They all graduated the same year as my younger sister or cousins, years behind me. But aside from me knowing I’m older and often have more life experience — and therefore advice — it doesn’t much matter. I often think I’m the only one who even takes note of my age vs. theirs.
The biggest effect our age difference has on our lives is my ability to carry a child. At 31, my husband remains in his fertile prime, while at nearly 37, if I were to get pregnant again, it would be considered geriatric. It’s one of the foremost factors as to why we’ve chosen to stop after two kids. Sure, we could plan for extra appointments, more scans, and blood draws while listening to my biological clock tick away. But instead, we just decided to call it quits. The risk that comes with my age simply isn’t worth it to us. Plus, I don’t want to be an “old mom” who doesn’t have the energy to keep up with her kids.
When I married someone younger, I didn’t expect it to be brought up so often, especially given he’s only six years younger than I am. There were also some things I wasn’t expecting, like cultural references from childhood and having to take it into consideration when planning our family; my mind just wasn’t thinking that far ahead when we met. However, despite everything, I wouldn’t change a thing.
