Not only are the fantasy football playoffs nearly here, but so is Christmas. So along with our typical Week 14 rankings, sleepers, and start/sit advice, we have Christmas songs. In case you missed past years, I’ve done the Top 10 Best Christmas Songs, Best Christmas Cookies, Best Christmas TV Episodes, and Best Christmas Movies, all of which you can find here (#CheckTheLink). Well, this year, let’s be a bit naughty. Not like that, as in naughty or nice, and do the Top 15 Worst Christmas Songs ever!
*** Oh! And, we might have found a solution to the rankings widget issue by using Fantasy Nation (via Football Diehards). All three scorings work and are editable by me (unlike before), and the widget will let you scroll on Android (browser) without using two fingers! YAY! ***
Waivers | True SOS (Matchup Ranks)
Fantasy Football 101 (weather, lineups, trading, more)
All in Football (video pod)
2022 Week 14 Fantasy Football Sleepers
🚨 HEADS UP 🚨 These are sleepers. They will not mimic my rankings 100%. This is chasing upside and often carries more risk.
POSSIBLY START: Jared Goff, DET — Goff is coming off two nice games, which just so happen to be at home. Goff is better indoors, with 18 of his 19 touchdowns coming inside (nine games). Last time he faced the Vikings, Goff had 277-1-1 for 13.9 fantasy points, and that was a road game. Goff is worth the risk at home in a nice matchup and with all of his receivers healthy… even though I feel like I’m running into this mistake of a gamble again.
POSSIBLY START: D’Onta Foreman, CAR — Foreman sounds ready to go after getting dinged up before the Panthers’ bye, and after posting 118, 118, 130 and 113 rushing yards, respectively, in his four games with 15+ carries, there is good reason for excitement. The Seahawks can’t stop the run — remember Josh Jacobs in Week 12? — and just let Cam Akers put up a 17-60-2 rushing line. Foreman isn’t just a possible start, he’s a must-start in Week 14. Chuba Hubbard is a deep flier play given this matchup if you’re needy.
HAIL MARY START: Raheem Mostert, MIA — Who knows what is going on with Jeff Wilson and Mostert? Yes, the Dolphins fell behind quickly last week, but that doesn’t completely excuse eliminating Wilson from the game. Nevertheless, we have two reasons both — but even more so Mostert — are in play this week. The Chargers are also extremely vulnerable to running backs, but their offense is strong enough to keep pace with the Dolphins, or even surprise with an early lead. If Week 13 is any indication, that would mean more Mostert, and a potential Top 20 finish.
POSSIBLY START: Zay Jones, JAX — Jones had fantasy outputs of 10.8 and 20.0 in the two weeks before the Lions letdown. He still saw seven targets last week, and the matchup with the Titans can help Jones rebound. The Titans have given up the fourth-most receptions (170), second-most yards (2,308 yards) and most touchdowns (17) to wideouts this year.
POSSIBLY START: Courtland Sutton or Jerry Jeudy, DEN — If Sutton can play, he’s in line for a solid game, and if not, Jeudy can step up for a Top 30 finish of his own. The Chiefs are Top 10 in allowing receptions and yards to wideouts, but the even greater appeal is that they’ve allowed the second-most touchdowns, which helps receivers have a startable week even with mediocre yardage.
HAIL MARY START: Van Jefferson, LAR — The Raiders are on tap for the Rams, and while there is nearly nothing left to like on this team, Van Jefferson is a fine desperation play. He has a 19-11-136-2 receiving line in the past four games. Okay, yes, those yards are gross. However, this is a touchdown hope (and prayer… and letter to Santa…), which would position Jefferson for 10 points and a Top 30 finish.
Oh, and with that GIF, make sure to watch Violent Night!
- Fun and inventive action
- Harbour is terrific
- Some good feels
- Pretty dang funny
- Succession vibes
- A true Christmas action movie, unlike Die Hard… Go see it! 8.5/10
HAIL MARY START: Chigoziem Okonkwo, TEN — Make the “bless you” jokes, but Okonkwo has 10-7-103 combined in the past two games, and, hey, that’s good enough for TE16 (#BanTEOnlySpots). Even while only allowing four touchdowns to tight ends on the year, the Jaguars still allow the 13th-most FPPG to tight ends, and their APA is eighth best for Week 14.
Fun with Rankings!
Worst Christmas Songs
As mentioned in the intro (but in case you skipped all that)… and in case you missed past years… I’ve done the Best Christmas Songs, Best Christmas Cookies, Best Christmas TV Episodes, and Best Christmas Movies, all of which you can find here (#CheckTheLink). This year — continuing with the bad versions started at Thanksgiving — it’s the Worst Christmas Songs ever, ranked!
- All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth — Is that Towlie from South Park? The tune is almost as unbearable as the voice and whistling teeth.
- I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas — Peak annoying voice, tune and nonsensical lyrics.
- Here We Go A-wassailing — Somehow makes one minute and 12 seconds feel like hours.
- Dominick the Donkey — If you like this, we can’t be friends… and I have Italian in my family, so don’t come with that.
- Christmas Shoes — That’s what I want… a depressing Christmas song from a procrastinating dude.
- Mary Did You Know — Feels like a church hymn. Plus, we never get to hear from Mary.
- Grandma Got Run Over by Reindeer — Proving Santa is real by celebrating grandma getting trampled by animals? Sure.
- What Child is This? — What kind of Christmas song is this? Feels like a snooze fest of a wannabe Witcher ballad.
- Baby It’s Cold Outside — More about tricking someone into staying over than anything to do with Christmas.
- Santa Baby — Weirdly sexualized Christmas song that also makes the woman sound like a gold digger? The 50s were weird.
- That’s Christmas to Me — I don’t hate a cappella music, but this one is weird and doesn’t even feel Christmas-y.
- The Chipmunk Song — Maybe good once a Christmas season. Maybe. Anything more and it’s headache-inducing.
- Little Drummer Boy — Not sure which is more annoying… the infinite versions of this song or “par-rum, pum-pum-pum.”
- Angels We Have Heard on High — Glorrrrrrooorrrroorrrria. Ugh. And why do we care about Ex Chelsea’s Day-o?
- Having a Wonderful Christmastime — Thank you again, Ryan George, for pointing out the hilarious absurdity.
Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime” is about friends practicing witchcraft but then someone walks in and they have to suddenly play it cool pic.twitter.com/0FscqecVzW
— Ryan George (@theryangeorge) December 11, 2019
- Almost made the worst cut: Hark the Herald Angels Sing and First Noel — I don’t hate classics (The Christmas Song is my all-time favorite) but the boring ones don’t do it for me. Give me holly, jolly fun!
Week 14 Fantasy Football Projections
🚨 HEADS UP 🚨 These can differ from my rankings, and my ranks are the order I’d start players outside of added context, such as, “Need highest upside, even if risky.” Also, based on 4-point TDs for QB, 6-point rest, and Half-PPR
Download Link Added Thursday
***These are NOT updated Sunday morning, FYI***
Week 14 Fantasy Football Rankings
🚨 HEADS UP 🚨
- We might have found a solution to the rankings widget issue by using Fantasy Nation (via Football Diehards). All three scorings work and are editable by me (unlike before), and the widget will let you scroll on Android (browser) without using two fingers! YAY!
- Updated regularly, so check all the way up to lineups locking.
(Photo by Todd Kirkland/Getty Images)